How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
