I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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