Swine flu. Run for my life!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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