is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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