my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
