so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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