I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
