I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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