Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
