Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
