No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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