My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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