girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
