I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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