so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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