i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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