She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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