that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
