He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
