Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
