I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
