Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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