Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she told me i tasted like america
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
