So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
