Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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