shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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