I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
