I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
