pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
