my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
