I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
