laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
