Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
