remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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