My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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