I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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