Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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