nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
