he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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