You made me cry and you don't even care
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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