I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize