Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
