he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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