Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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