I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.