i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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