I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.