if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe