Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
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I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.