Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
