I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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