Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
