They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
