the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No subtext here. People are naked.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
