I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
