he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
