How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
