A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
