I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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