just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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