No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
