She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
