It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
babies were throwing up all over the place
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
