RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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