On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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