that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
