He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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