im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
