I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
