I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
