You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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