Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
