a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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