1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
