my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
