I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
