Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
