You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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