she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He did a backflip because drugs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
