um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
