so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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