We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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