pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
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just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
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who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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