Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
