PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize