Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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